Well not only is it Wednesday, but it is also day 5 of the cleanse so that means i am smack, dab in the middle. I wasn’t going to post until tonight, when the day had totally ended, but i am going crazy right now and have to do something to get my mind off of eating everything i can think of. Today i went to pick up some more syrup and to get Bella a new bone to chew on. I was looking over the dog treats to find a yummy sounding one with wholesome ingredients, when I found myself salivating over them. I mean for a moment i thought i was in the grocery store looking at different granola bars or something… peanut butter and carob chip… vanilla with apple… it was torture!! Needless to say, this has been the hardest day so far. I want to eat everything! I am doing this to clean out everything in my system and start fresh before i start eating healthy again, but the irony is all i can think about is eating cheeseburgers, frenchfries, milkshakes, cheesedip at the mexican place, margaritas, BEER, cupcakes, and basically anything else with processed sugar or high amounts of alcohol and salt in it! Everyone else that i have read about seems to be having a blissfull 5th day, but not me, it is by far the hardest one so far.
Okay, to talk about something else. I went to the church i was telling you about on Sunday called Mosaic. It was held in this place downtown called the Mayan, that is modeled after a Mayan temple on the inside and used as a latin dance club some nights. It was pretty crowded, around 100 or so people, and very different from anything i have ever experienced. It is a Christian based church, as in based on Jesus Christ, not just God. But, most of the songs and words that were spoken were about God and not holding Jesus as the only path to God. I am up in the air on this issue, more on that later. Anyway, so they started with praise and worship, nothing that i haven’t experienced before, but then it got interesting. See this church is based on the philosophy that creativity is the natural result of spirituality and faith. When you do the things that God, the original artist and creative force of the universe, intended you to do, that is when you are your most creative and closest to him. So with that said, two young guys enter playing drums from opposite sides of the back of the house. They meet in the middle and each go to a side of the stage where there is this makeshift drum set made of cans, glass, and road signs (think: bring in the noise bring in the funk, or stomp) and begin playing them. Then this other guy suddenly slides right down the middle aisle and climbs a few stairs that put him on stage. He start to tap, i mean ladies and gentleman, some of the best tapping i have ever seen. People go crazy, everybody is clapping and yelling and the drumbeats get faster, and so do the guy’s feet and it goes on and on with a big dramatic finish. It was like being at a show. Now many people may frown upon this and say that it doesn’t glorify God, they are showing off their own talents and skills, and that isn’t what church is about. But i do not believe this to be true. As artists, we bear some of the most raw and original talent on the planet. I believe we were hand picked by God and given a small piece of him to enable us to look deeper into the human condition and show us who we really are. God calls us to become creators, and that is exactly what artists do. Okay, so then a guy from the chruch introduces the speaker for the night, a man who is American, but moved to Indonesia with his family some years ago to start a school and help give education to the children who live there. I wont get into his story to much, but it was amazing and just what i needed to hear at that moment. Funny how that works isn’t it? Basically his message was this: I, myself, as in by myself, am incapable of fulfilling the dreams that God has placed inside my heart. I do need him to fulfill those dreams. And just because i am an artist and want to be an actor, does not make me selfish or shallow. I am doing what God did. I am a creator, on a much smaller scale, but a creator all the same. And i have gifts in the form of drive, empathetic eyes, and strong emotion and care for others that i have been given to do what i do. It made me feel empowered and special, as i am, as God intended me to be. I think I’ll probably go back next week.
So i have 5 days left after this and i will not give up. It is a test of willpower and strength. I am trying to break habits like depending on eating in times of stress, depression, or boredom. By depriving myself of food, something that if you know me you know i love dearly, i am learning how blessed i am to have food and the power to deprive myself of it. An interesting dicotomy i think. So wish me luck, or pray for me, or whatever it is you do. Oh and P.S. to all of you on the East coast…especially Alex…I’m off to see Indiana Jones. Wish you were here!!