Nothing, and now this?

His memory flooded my dreams last night.  I cried for what felt like…hours.  My brain expelling smells and sensations while my eyes expelled an ocean of tears.  I have no idea what triggered it.  I worked on my resume all day with a friend, went over some lines for an audition, saw a comedy show, and ended the night with a litte sushi and a friend.  I did not cross paths with someone who shares his name or looks like him.  I simply laid down for bed that night, and the memories came.  I did not recall the street he lived on, his dog’s name, who he lived with, what his favorite color was, what he studied in school, or what his mother’s name was.  These are facts.  Pain does not come from facts.  I was remembering the way he looked at me.  The way he smelled.  How he looked when he was really into his writing.  How safe i felt in his arms.  What i felt the first time i laid eyes on him in that black t-shirt.  I replayed our entire relationship, feeling every high and low all over again…so vividly.  I couldn’t have stopped if i tried.  Three years.  In one month it will be three years since he walked out of my life.  Since he chose her.  I know it was the right thing.  I do not wish for him back.  It just hurts.  Still.   To this day.  It hurts.


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